That Human is Holding an Axe (and not a Bottle of Ranch)
Welcome to Ranch Hands: where we explore other items humans hold in their hands besides bottles of Ranch Dressing
Humans are incredible creatures who can do remarkable things such as hold items in their hands. These items can vary in shape, size, and smell. With ease they can pick up an item and show all their friends. It truly is remarkable. But I will admit, it can be a bit sad when they are not holding you.
My name is Ranch Dressing. You can call me Ranch for short. It is delightful to meet you. If you know me from anywhere it is probably from that salad you got as a side out of the politeness of your God-giving heart but did not actually want. Completely get it. Iceberg lettuce, while a great friend of mine, is a bit daft. The Alaskan Salmon with roasted asparagus tips was the better move.
With that said, humans are not always carrying a bottle of me in their hands. It is a fact of life and one I have come to accept. The human I see in front of me, right now, is carrying an axe.
Like my good friend Mustard, I wonder, what are they using that axe for?
Axes are a hand tool used for chopping and splitting. Perhaps they have come across a tree they would like to chop down? If you cut a tree down really well it creates a stump. You can do so many things at a stump. Heck, it could become the stump you bring your grand-kids too and remind them about the importance of having a Roth-IRA.
Potentially. Trees are everywhere, or well were everywhere. Humans love to chop them down and replace them with a 3 and a half star Panera Bread. Maybe it is their favorite fast-casual dining restaurant? It could be. I don’t know.
Sometimes humans have an axe to grind. Perhaps this axe needs to be sharpened. There could be a fence in an unassuming suburban area that needs to be split. They could be on their way there. That would check out.
Maybe this human is an actor. Human actors always have an axe to grind about something. Perhaps they are the murderer in a horror movie. Terrifying but oddly cool. If they are an actor I hope the union is making sure they receive their full benefits.
Oh! What if this human is practicing for their upcoming date? They booked a date at the local axe-throwing bar that does not have Taylor Swift in the jukebox. To impress their date maybe they are going to practice throwing it within the confines of their property? If that is the case please for the love of God do not have myself or any other condiments be used as targets.
There are so many uses for an axe. What do you think this human is using the axe for?
